Background
Martin Prechtel’s talk “Grief and Praise” is a seminal work. He is an indigenous elder with native american and mayan roots. As is his book The Smell of Rain on Dust. The audio book is great. He goes in depth into the indigenous frame of grief, and addiction.
Francis Weller is probably the leading American elder in the space. Joanna Macy would be the other one. Anderson cooper started a grief podcast and interviewed Francis in 2023. He also held a talk with Francis in 2025. And basically everyone who is engaged in community grief rituals has read Francis Weller’s book The Wild Edge of Sorrow.
The PNW is a hotbed of this culture due largely to the work of two West African elders, Malidoma and Sobonfu Somé. They taught a cohort of Americans in the 90s and 2000s (like Francis Weller and Therese Charvet) who are now teaching the younger generations.
Among the new generation of grief tenders, my friend Alexandra Ahlay Blakely. Some Bellingham friends of mine, Brian, Traesti, and Jessi, interviewed Ahlay on their podcast a while back. I think Ahlay speaks to the African connection.
It’s hard to find info on Malidoma and Sobonfu as they passed about 5-10 years ago. There are some youtubes I’ve found: Malidoma on grief
Grieftender Alyssa Ackerman on the connection between grief and belonging (TEDx)
Facilitators/Events – Western US
An informal west coast event list
PNW
Alexandra Blakely, Seattle Area
Siena Tenisci/Northwest Grief Tenders, Seattle Area
Sacred Groves/Bainbridge Island WA (Therese Charvet & Tere Carranza)
Jordan Lyon / Grieving Man — Grief rituals in the Seattle area. Mens rituals and open community rituals. Join the Grieving Man mailing list to receive event notifications.
Regular grief circles with Rebecca Mullins (zoom and Seattle)
Grief events with Death Dancer/Jennie Banks (talking groups, art events, and more) — Olympia
Grief rituals with Evan Wagoner, Olympia (that’s me)
Nico Kladis, men’s grief tender, rites of passage, Port Townsend WA area
Micaela and Jen, Deeper Currents, Bellingham WA (grief circles and rituals)
Peter Jabin, Cristina Manzoni, Reve Shannon (Vashon Island)
Ecstatic Heart Brotherhood Men’s grief ritual in Portland, OR (email Taj at taj@transformativerelations.com for more information)
Alyssa Rose, grief tender, Portland, OR area
California
Josh Lowe, grief rituals, Santa Cruz CA
Francis Weller and team, grief rituals and trainings, SF Bay Area/National
Coby Liebman, grief rituals, SF Bay Area
More to come!
Contact me for more info, or to send me links, resources for this list.
Evan Wagoner-Lynch 